My Guardian Angel

By Roma Christensen

There was a point in my life when I felt so discouraged that I did not want to live any more. Many times I took a handful of pills hoping to get someone to notice that I needed help and a little "Tender Loving Care". I did not really want to die. My mother had died when I was fifteen years young. I missed her and felt lonely and alone. My father was a good man but he was afraid that I would rebel against him if he did not let me do everything I wanted to do. Therefore, I went where I wanted and came back when I wanted and I did not get punished for anything I did.

I know my father meant well, but because he was afraid of me, I did not think anyone cared. A teenagers mind doesn't always think clearly. And I was a typical teenager.

I had a very special boyfriend. I devoted my whole life to pleasing him. I wrote to him daily when he served in the armed forces in Viet Nam. I worshiped the ground he walked on. I dearly loved his mother and siblings. His mother became as much a part of me as my own. Until he decided to marry another girl.

My heart hurt. The pain was more than I could bear. I did everything I could do to get him back. And then I realized that it would take a miracle to do that. Little did I know that a miracle of a different kind was about to happen.

I was eighteen years old when I finally decided to follow through with a plan to take my own life. It was December. The frosty air felt cold against my face. I hurried back to my college dormitory and proceeded to make my plans. I was sure that no one cared about me. My life was unimportant. No one needed me. Even my room mates didn't care! I sat on my bed and reviewed the scenario I had planned out in my head. I would follow through with my plan tomorrow. It was late and I went to bed knowing that this would be my last night on this earth.

As I lay there I heard my room mates come into my room. I didn't open my eyes. I wanted them to think I was sound asleep. I heard them whispering to each other, "she looks like an Angel sleeping there, doesn't she"? I couldn't believe my ears. Did I actually hear them saying something nice about me? My mind wandered back to my plan. Did someone care? Reasoning with myself I could not see how this kind statement would do anything to change the events in my life. Life? Nothing could change my life. I was destined to be unhappy all the days of my life. I just knew it. Then I drifted off into dreamland with tears streaming down my face.

Dry your eyes, I heard her say. I opened my eyes to see who was speaking to me. It was a lady I did not know. She held her hand out to me and asked me to come with her. I obeyed. Her hand felt cold. But I could tell that she was someone special and would not hurt me. She spoke to me in soft whispers. "I am your great grandmother, Sarah Elzina Pulsipher Tyler" and "I want you to know that I love you". She went on to explain that I was very important to her, that my life did matter and that I needed to stay here to complete my work. She said I had a special mission to fulfill, that the Lord needed me to stay. I asked her how anyone could need me. I wasn't worth anything. But she reinforced her words and told me that she loved me.

As I looked into her eyes, I knew she meant what she said. I had never felt such a deep expression of Love. There was no doubt left in my mind that she cared. She asked me to walk with her. We exchanged many important things along the way. She escorted me to the Cemetery in Ucon, Idaho. She directed me to the headstone on a grave. It was pure white with a rounded top. And as I read the inscription I realized that this was her grave. Suddenly we were back in my room and as she slowly disappeared I heard her whisper, "Remember, I Love You"!

Morning came fast and I jumped out of my bed, into my clothes, into my car, and headed for Ririe. A twenty mile drive. When I got to my dads home, I proceeded to search the family photos for a picture of my great grandmother. I finally found it in a family history book that my dear uncle Stuart Tyler had put together.

I couldn't believe my eyes, this was the person who had visited me in the night. Then I drove to Ucon and went to the Cemetery. When I found the headstone, I knew that my grandmother had come from the world beyond to save my life. Tears ran down my face. I was overwhelmed. It was then that I knew who my Guardian Angel was. And I got down on my knees and thanked my Father in Heaven for allowing her to come to me.

The following chapter in my book tells of my father and I becoming best friends.

Photos and life story of Grandmother Sarah Elzina Pulsipher Tyler